How to Talk about Miscarriage
One of the hardest things to deal with after a miscarriage is the reaction of others. If you haven't yet told anyone, it is sometimes easier. However, people may wonder why you seem sad or withdrawn. If you were far enough along that people already knew that you were expecting, then it's difficult to know how to tell others and how to deal with their reactions.
Telling Friends and Family
There are many ways that you can approach telling those that you love about your miscarriage. Sometimes, it is easier to have your partner tell people, or to tell a good friend and have her spread the word. This way, you will deal with people's sympathy and their reactions, but you won't have to actually tell them yourself. If you have older children, you will certainly want to tell them yourself. This can be very difficult to do, and they may pose challenging questions to you. They will ask you why the baby died, and if they believe in a God or a higher power, they may ask why God allowed such a thing to happen. You and your partner should discuss these issues before talking to the children or to others so that you have an answer ready for the many questions you may receive. You should be as open and honest as possible, within your comfort zone.
Dealing with Nosy Neighbors
At the same time that people will care and want to know what to do for you, some people may simply be nosy and annoying. You may hear people say, "It was meant to be," or "There must have been something wrong with the baby." You may even hear people ask you, "Was there something you did wrong?" These people aren't trying to cause you pain; they are simply being nosy or at a loss for words. If you get into a situation that makes you uncomfortable, you have the right to tell them that you really don't feel like talking, or that what they said made you uncomfortable. This is your lose and your time to react however you need to. Invite people into your life, and push others out gently if necessary so that you can grieve and recover.
Getting the Help You Need
Many people will want to be helpful when you miscarry, but they don't necessary know what you need. Would a hot meal be helpful? Would it help for them to mop your floor? To answer phone calls for you? To take a walk with you? You may need to be assertive in this situation and open. Tell people what you need and how they can help you. While you may feel uncomfortable voicing your needs so clearly, you'll be surprised how relieved people will be to have something directed and concrete to do to help you.
Take Your Time
The most important thing when telling others about your miscarriage and dealing with their reactions is to know that this is Your experience. That means that you decide the rules. You tell people what you want to, when you are ready to do so. You communicate with people on your terms in a way that will make you comfortable. Losing a pregnancy is a shocking and sad experience. You have the right to recover at your own pace and to give yourself the space and the time that you need. Hopefully, you'll be able to look forward to a beautiful, healthy pregnancy in the near future.
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